looking for lucky star

weee hoooo.. taking up my self above the sky~ singing to my heart as no one can hear nothing.. i feel free.. 2 papers down and 2 more left.. hopefully i could improve my results this year.. as i'm walking ahead to MPH .. i heard my heart beat so much, beating faster and faster, its always happening. i try to control by walking slowly.. deep breath for few times.. recite the prayer .. trying to adapt with the so called exam environment.. then when my finger just start to dance on the paper.. suddenly! poop! all black! oh my God, oh God all blank! i`m panic and nervous what i do?? out of 100% , just 50% memory left in my brain. the rest 50% have totally gone~~ gosh! this is really bad!!. haha~ pity me... clumsy me... this happen almost everytime in the final exam~ i could not get over the neverousness in my self. hate it!! but now, i did it!!! i manage to control my self better than anyone does.. some improvement of my self.. i would say that i`m alil bit proud~. VLSI vs POWER E. the next paper need to be focus on. there's alott of work to finish more "Ya Allah, berikanlah aku ketenangan untuk menjawab peperiksaan dgn cemerlang, berikanlah aku kejayaan di dunia dan akhirat dan berikanlah aku kekuatan untuk menempuh segala dugaanMu," amin.. i`m still lookin for a lucky star... if anyone have.. pls =P

hingga ke hujung dunia

Looking at those 2 pics above make me wonder how beautifull my life is, the smiling faces throw away all the nightmares i had.. no one could imagine what ive been through in my childhood and even me always feels scared to talk about it till now, there is so much thing in my head till i could not breath, sometimes i feels that i`m a psycho person, i pretend not to be but that's is something is wrong somewhere..

ive been crying for 22 years .. my broken family, loosing my brother, my personal life, everything.. messed up, bored !! lost my self in the middle of the sea where no one could reach me. i wish i could get back my self to see the smiling faces from the deep heart. sometimes life is so meaningless.. sometimes life coloured the way of someones life.. sometimes life is just nothing.

Hari raya 2008- give me thoughts that i have to take back pieces of memory i've left long time before.. my dad.. i dont noe how i did it.. but for the first time in life i'm hugging my dad with full of love and crying.. and for the first time i`m calling him 'abah' still crying.. I never know my father .. never i know how its feels to have a father.. when i saw someone talking with his father i wonder my self about dad.. its really hard to forgive him after all.. and this year, is the most memorable moment in my life.. i will remember this till the end.. and as for him, i have back all the pieces of memory that i've left long time before..

sTiNgY

OMG!!! why this thing are really hard to deal with. i have lost my patience right now!!! could not stand anymore.. i`ve been tried to install this so called 'XaNDRoSS ' and 'Ns2' thing for thousand times but why still could not work?? agaGAGAGgaga... i curse u to be a frog 'com -com' then only u will know how powerfull am i.. hehe..by all means!

one year has gone

i thought it was almost 1 year since i wrote my last blog. hee.. very pemalas one to write anything.. actually there`s nothing to talk about since everything seems fine.. from its cover. Last week , i bought new good brand com-com its not too expensive nor very canggih one but meet my satisfaction with LARGE screen and comes with ORIGINAL windows based, very solid with SILVER drees, 1G high and 162 weight . beautifull interface and webcam provided. isn`t it worth with just 2k? yes =) . computers are now getting cheaper and cheaper over the time.. i stiill remember how expensive was the price fo a single laptop in 5 years back, it cost me almost 4k. urghhhhh~ damn it. no more talk

recently, i found someone`s blog, very interesting to read and awsome. i should not mention his name but he has really great voice. He talks about politic, retaurant , foods, sports and everything that he likes but the way he express is kind of different. simple cool and COOOLLL ~~ huhu.. i also fall in love with one of my freinds blog (sara its u) always make me lough everytime and she love to talk and talk and never lack of ideas. i just could know her better through her blogg sometimes. lalala time is running~ need to stop.

jika dan hanya jika

jika dan hanya jika aku telah ketemu..
aku pasti bahagia..

jika dan hanya jika aku sempat berdiri sebelum aku terjatuh..
aku pasti gembira..

jika dan hanya jika aku dewasa sebelum aku kecil
tiada siapa yang akan terluka..

jika dan hanya jika aku mampu merubah
ku kan sentiasa tersenyum.

jika dan hanya jika hanyalah dalam bisikan hatiku. kerna aku hanya mampu berbisik tidak mampu untuk meluah.

inspired by.. hehe

"words" does not suits me

since i kid untill now.. i always heard people said that we have to beleive in Allah, do we really understand how? how is the correct way to show that i`m beleiver? how ? is it by praying? is it in the heart? yes it is but how?? why i dont know the answer? why the question keep coming to my head? if i`m the truth beleiver i`m sure i will know the answer but its not there.. just empty.. even i pray, even i recites the holy Quran, even my parent gave me strong basic religion, but still something is missing in the heart. i know that. and today, after been waiting for so long.. i got the answer finally, i start to understand everything.. everything that happened in my life.. the hard life i had.. its all looks clear in front of me. "beleive in Allah" i know the truth meaning behind of this short phrase now. Beleive that everything is all by Allah.. and i`ll not afraid to anything except Allah.Its not just words for me anymore it brings so much meaning . Either we realy understand or not, thats matter for me. I wanna feel so happy inside, walk freely and smile from my heart. Not just pretending. Thats what i really want in life.. i have opened my heart and accept everything that come to my life.

i`m truely free

hijab

why hijab?

why i need hijab?

to preserve

my dignity, modesty, integrity. I WEAR IT SO PROUDLY!